I recently found myself so weary. The regular rhythms of the week had not grown more trying; I was just more tired. And I didn't know why. As I began to examine my heart, however, the Lord allowed me to recognize a pattern of distrust that was leading to anxiety.
Isaiah 40 says "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint; and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young mane shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
To be honest, this passage cut me to the quick. It not only diagnosed the cause of my weariness, but provided a hopeful solution - a way out.
1) The Obvious is the Easiest to Forget
The Christian life is not so much about learning a lot of newer and deeper truths, but about learning all the old truths over again each day. In a word, the obvious truths are the easiest to forget. The passage above begins by asking whether or not we know or have heard who God is. Most of us have. But most of us have forgotten. We haven't forgotten mentally, but we have likely forgotten who God is this very morning on the level that moves us - our hearts. Weariness comes from functionally forgetting who God is. When we forget who God is, even for a moment, we begin to attempt taking care of everything that is really in his realm of responsibility. In short, we begin to try to be the God we've forgotten. And this is wearisome work.
2) Waiting is Trusting
Waiting seems so inefficient. It seems like a waste of time. Especially when we've been steeped in a culture that demands high performance. In the same way, when we slip into a worldly mindset and away from a biblical mindset, the thought of, say, 45 minutes of prayer begins to seem stupid to us. That's because it's a part of waiting, not a part of our idea of productivity. But if God is who he says he is, we can trust him with the things that are on his plate. We can tend our own small garden, waiting and trusting God with the things that are out of our control.
Are you weary because you've tried to take on responsibilities God says are his? Are you trying to bring something about in your life that only a sovereign Lord can accomplish? Let me encourage you to resign yourself to tend the small garden of responsibilities God has given you. He's required you only to be faithful. He's asked you only to honor him with your work and life. Leave the rest and the results to him. In a word, wait on the Lord. He will renew your strength.
For me, it was the deeply spiritual nature of my job. In pastoring, you don't see results quite so quickly. For this reason, I envy many of the farmers with whom I minister. They get to see a product that's tangible and measurable. With pastoring, however, there's a lot of sowing, watering, and . . . waiting. I so love my church. I so want to see it prosper. I so desperately want to see disciples made, families renewed, men raised up for leadership, and the downcast encouraged. But my attempts at bringing any of this to fruition apart from the initiative and direction of the Lord is a form of pride. And it wearies the soul. It's "too high" for me (Psalm 131). But it's not too high for God.
When I recognized this, I had to repent. I had to repent of a heart that had slipped back into a worldly mode, devoid of the Spirit of God. I had become so weary of waiting that I lost sight of the biblical truth that there's a kind of Isaiah 40 waiting that eases the weariness. I confessed to God that only he can accomplish spiritual good. Indeed, the obvious stuff was the easiest to forget. I asked for grace to change my outlook to mirror his. And then I committed again to tending my small garden - and waiting.
For further meditation on this topic, here's audio of a lesson from this very passage: https://anchor.fm/gregory-mathis1/episodes/How-To-Rest-Isaiah-40-e1bakl9