Yesterday, I turned 31. This isn't supposed to be the milestone that evokes deep and pensive reflection. That was supposed to come last year, at 30. Many of my peers have commented on the sense of weight that accompanies the transition into the thirties. It's real. But a year ago, so much was transpiring in my family's life that I think the gravitas simply escaped me.
Yet I don't meet 31 with a sense of dread or a sense of morose introspection. Instead, I find myself sensing that I must find another gear. Adulthood and parenthood bring with them a palpable and often startling awareness of our mortality. I've lived long enough now to see people die - people my age. The words of CT Studd, communicated to my generation by such voices as Jim Elliot, increasingly keep a quiet vigil over my labor:
Only one life, 'twill soon be past
Only what's done for Christ will last.
I am waking up earlier. I am working harder. I find myself more passionate than I have ever been. Why? A visceral sense of urgency to make disciples and communicate the life-changing, life-saving good news of Jesus Christ to all who will listen has arrested me. I want my life to count. I want to see renewal in the church and revival in the streets. Before I die, I want to be able to say along with Simeon, the righteous man of Luke 2:
“Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace,
according to your word;
for my eyes have seen your salvation
that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and for glory to your people Israel.”
It may sound strange or histrionic, but while I haven't even reached half the average lifespan of an American male, my sense of the end drives me. Not necessarily my end, but the end. Who knows how long the Lord may tarry?
Therefore stay awake - for you do not know when the master of the house will come.
I am committing in 31 to ask God for grace to use me to make disciples, to build his church, to walk in personal repentance, and to love my family like never before. Why? Because eternity is at stake. This day matters. And time is incredibly short.